Hamburger Review: Scotch Steak House London

Scotch Steak House London

Maybe i should introduce a negative scale? Because this was once more a burger from the very low end.

Since Scotch Steak House do not have their own website, all I could do was publish the post another blogger has written about them, and which was the number one search result on Google. Read it and you will get an idea about how bad it was.

I don't even want to write about it, the only reason why I went there is that it was around the corner and I was really hungry. So I keep it short. Another burger with a salad mix instead of lettuce (no salad dressing though), the patty tasted surprisingly fresh, but had diced onions in it, and thereby disqualifies as a Hamburger. The fries were not crisp; they were limp hanging potato cuts. This is a point where it isn't even fun to write about burgers anymore. Bad food can really ruin your day.

Rating: 1- out of 6

http://www.planetbods.org

Hamburger Review: Neo Hamburg

Foreword (just to set the tone):

"I shouldn't have ordered the burger in the first place."

Neo Hamburg

.... let me think how to start this. As I have said before, you have to try in order to make a (fair) judgment. On the other hand, to make it "fair" you should only compare apples and oranges. For the same reason that I do not include B.K. and Maky D. in this blog, I should not include restaurants that cook food and also offer a hamburger. Because all you end up with is disappointment. On the other hand it makes you appreciate those real hamburgers made by certified burger connoisseurs.

So, what I got here was ... I think if I mention that I only ate half of it, this will best describe the quality of IT. And IT was just as scary as Pennywise the clown in that 80's Steven King movie. As always my standard order consisted of a regular cheeseburger and a milkshake. The milkshake was already wrong for my taste, as it was just vanilla flavored milk, without any ice-cream texture or the proper temperature for that matter. Then the burger came; a standard burger bun, which was a tad too dry, but acceptable. But there were other problems, that were sheer blasphemy against the burger god (who probably looks like an obese Fucker with all sorts of condiments in his beard - and not like Ronald McDonald). The salad was a salad mix, like the one you get in a bag at your local supermarket, which was then drowned in a heavy thousand island salad dressing. On top of this, some bonehead in the kitchen placed a piece of beef, which he had probably found on the bottom of the freezer, heated it in the microwave, for about 10 minutes and had then placed underneath his car to give it a dark color.

Yes, I do enjoy to be cynical, ... well I did, until I remembered: 'That they used mozzarella cheese'. On a cheeseburger, mozzarella? That's just as bad as putting stilton on a pizza margarita, and will probably send you directly to food hell, where they serve you recipes from the Gracie Field cookbook for the next hundred years.

The side-dishes were a shot glass with coleslaw, and bad fries.

Note: How to cook french fries: Soak the fries in ice water to remove excess starch, heat vegetable oil and blanche the fries at 160°C for about 5 minutes until the color changes. Let them cool down for about 10 minutes, and then fry them again at 185°C for about 1-2 minutes until they are golden brown.

My resume about the Neo burger. The best part of this burger were the three slices of onion.

Rating: 1 out of 6

http://www.neogastro.de/

Hamburger Review: Locks Hamburg

Locks Hamburg

Locks is a restaurant located in Hamburgs Poppenbüttel district, just a few minutes from the AEZ shopping mall. In their defense I have to mention that Locks is a proper restaurant with a sophisticated menu, and not a specialized burger-only place.

So, let's dissect the beauty: My order consisted of a cheeseburger, that comes with curly fries (they call them twisters), and a coke.

The bread they used was a standard burger bun, which was slightly over toasted. I presume that they caramelize it in the salamander; where leaving it for just a few seconds to long evaporates all the moisture out of the bread. All the ingredients were very fresh and I really liked the red onions they used, as well as the cheddar cheese (Frittier Salon look at the picture! That's what molten cheese has to look like!). What I found a bit strange was the fact that the burger had cucumbers instead of pickles on it. As someone who doesn't like pickles anyways, it didn't bother me too much though. The fries however were a bit too done, and some tasted like frying fat and cancer dust.

But now for the main discipline - the patty, the burger, the core, that juicy piece of meat. .... FAILED. Well, not majorly failed, to the extend where I wouldn't go there again. But I can say that the chef has no real idea about how to grill a proper burger. It was just too flat, too hard, and basically just a lump of dead, heated protein. Come on,... Burger one-0-one: fresh meat, seasoning, tablespoon of water, form with hands so it is slightly fluffy, barbeque on high heat, let the juices rise and then flip it once and once only, and please DO NOT PRESS DOWN ON THE BURGER, voila - success.

Also, this was the first time that I saw a tomato placed under the meat. ??? Don't do that! Basic composition order goes as follows: caramelized bottom bun, salad as a moisture barrier, meat, toppings + sauce, top bun - Done.

Overall I can say, or rather hope that they will improve on the meat, and with all the fresh ingredients this could be(-come) a decent burger.

Rating: 3 out of 6

http://www.the-locks.de/

Hamburger Review: Frittiersalon Berlin

Frittiersalon Berlin

Frittiersalon is a small burger shack and I didn't expect to be blown away. You still have to eat a burger, to rate a burger; but first impressions usually do not lie.

If I was paid for my reviews, I might have even told the owners what was wrong with their burgers. ... OK, it's the grill. Some kitchen utensil salesman must have talked them into buying one of those top-bottom grills. While this time-efficiently heats the patties from the top and the bottom at the same time, it also squeezes all the juices out of it as. What they are left with is a flat piece of ... yeah, okay it is not as bad as shoe-sole, but close. The meat was probably very good before it was press-grilled, but I honestly can't tell you.

And then there was the bread,... I suspect it to be made by a bio baker or something alike. Don't get me wrong there is almost nothing wrong with the bread except that there wasn't enough sesame. But the way it was served was below standard. It was oily and greasy; and didn't look very yummy. As for the toppings, they were okay, except for the cheese. It was just placed on the patty (which wasn't warm enough to melt it), and just rested there like in a cheese sandwich.

The best part of the menu were probably the potatoes and the fries I had on the side.

P.S.: This place needs a man in the kitchen, and a proper grill.

Rating: 2 out of 6

http://www.frittiersalon.de/

Hamburger Review: White Trash Fast Food Berlin

White Trash Fast Food Berlin

Bravo, ..., the Burger I ate at White Trash Fast Food has honestly surprised me. It was much better than I had expected, and although I would not necessary classify them as a gourmet burger restaurant, they did a better job than many who claim to be one.

WTFF as the restaurant is abbreviated is located at Rosa Luxemburg Platz, in an old chinese restaurant, which during GDR times was frequented by communist party officials. Since WTFF has moved from its former location in a panel flat, several rumors and myths were spread about the place. Frequented by celebrities like Quentin Tarantino or Lemmy Kilmister (frontman of heavy metal band Motörhead), the place has become a regular hang out for Berlin's creative cool crowd and artists.

The Hamburger WTFF offer is a basic hamburger without any fancy ingredients, but with all the luxury a homemade burger needs. The buns, which are made by a local bio baker, are regular sesame bun, that come in perfect proportion to the meat patty. The meat patties are hand formed and taste just like they are supposed to taste; smokey grill-, and caramelized meat flavors, etc...

The toppings are standard lettuce, tomato and pickles. The reason why I gave WTFF a 6 minus is that the lettuce was already withered and slightly brown on the edges. As GBK is my standard to which everything else is compared, I have to say that the two burgers are on par. What WTFF got absolutely right was the bun though, which had the perfect consistency. While GBK's bun was a bit burned and dry, WTFF's bun was soft on the outside but crunchy and caramelized on the inside to prevent it from becoming soggy from the meat.

The fries were also very good, just as they are supposed to be.

If you are looking for a genuine, homemade burger, this place is definitely worth a visit.

Rating: 6- out of 6

http://new.whitetrashfastfood.com/

Hamburger Review: Cosmo Grill Munich

Cosmo Grill Munich

So Cosmo Grill is located on Munich's "supposedly-posh" Maximilian Strasse, which might explain their slightly higher prices. And I know I don't usually do include price since most gourmet burgers are around the same price. The problem I have with Cosmo grills burger is the size of their burger. It is just way too small. Being 50% more expensive and 30% smaller than the other burgers I have tried. The problem was... in the end I was still hungry.

So, what about the burger itself (besides the size). I had a standard burger, with their chili potatoes, and a coke (another burger place that doesn't have milk shakes). The bread was just mediocre, as it was very soggy and not properly caramelized I have to deduct a couple of points. The meat for the patties comes from a local bio-farmer, who's brochures are on display in the shop. But this doesn't help the burger if it is not properly grilled. This place is called Cosmo GRILL; then why are they using a teppanyaki grill to prepare the burger? They are not hot enough, miss the grill flavors which would otherwise settle in the meat, and the coloring is also not right.

The other ingredients were alright. Fresh and all, but the side dish was ... not my taste. If you like little potatoes in oil and a bit of chili or rosemary and sea-salt, you might like it.

Rating: 3 out of 6

http://www.cosmogrill.de/